Day 2 and 3 FAIL

So to answer a couple of questions, I found out on Dec. 21st. How am I dealing? I am finding it to get more difficult and why day 2 and 3 weren't really detox days for me. The thing that is difficult is that people keep telling me that the decision to have a hysterectomy is an easy one since I have three children. As true as it may be that I have 3 children and I was pretty much done anyway, the idea that I will never ever get to hold a newborn in the still of night and rock her, or feel the tenderness that comes from nursing, and the special little feeling that abounds when a new baby is brought home is right now crippling to me. A lot of people are expecting babies that I know and I am SO HAPPY for them, honestly I am and now I am wishing that maybe I could have just one more. I don't feel as done as I thought I did partly because of a dream I had earlier this week.

In this dream I dreamed of a little baby girl that was about as big as Taylor was when she was born and I saw her so vividly and saw them hand her to me and I felt what I felt for my little ones when they were first handed to me and they were MINE. As the dreamed continued quite fast paced, I went through all the feelings I described above and woke up just as I realized in my dream that this couldn't be my baby and that I wouldn't get to have her in my earthly home. At that point in the middle of the night, I began to cry a heartache I NEVER thought I would feel. I know it's really hard to describe and probably doesn't make sense but for me it is crippling right now.

The food thing is difficult and not because of what I can eat but because of the lack of versatility in my diet with those things and the fact that this weekend is a celebration weekend in many senses. I think today I even had something that had cow's milk in it. Talk about feeling defeated. I am committed to the raw food lifestyle and am realizing that it will take time to work it into my lifestyle.

The whole process of this cancer thing is overwhelming at this point. I feel tired and somewhat depressed I think. It is all I can seem to think about which is SO ANNOYING!

Day 1 Results

Yesterday was a rough day. I had very little in the house that I could eat and the green drink Jay decided to make was disgusting. He chose just kale with flax and pumpkin seeds and neither one of us could finish it. I drank from my glass for about an hour. I recommended that We put something else in with it. Today I am going to do a cucumber drink instead. I took the time last night to soak a bunch of beans and barley so I could make some food today. I had quinoa for dinner but because I was so ravenous I just grabbed a flour tortilla and stuffed it with quinoa and put on some taco sauce. After that I had lettuce with quinoa and taco sauce with it. The only problem is I'm not supposed to eat any salt or sugar and well... I need to figure out how to make some sauces without those but I think it is futile. I think for now I will just use vinegar. Today I am going to make a bean dip that I can eat all day with onions and garlic in it with some cumin... It won't taste completely right without the salt but it will suffice and should fill me up nicely. I'm lucky that I love vinegar to help me with salads. Over all I think with each day it will become easier. Hopefully with the preparation from last night I won't be so lost as to what to eat. Malnutrition isn't good either.

Cancer

So it's been awhile. I am dedicating this blog to my fight against cervical cancer and the huge lifestyle change to eating raw food to aid in that fight. Today I will begin a detox for my body. I have already not had a soda for 5 days, which is HUGE for me and eliminated all dairy and meat from my diet. It hasn't been that difficult but finding things to replace it has been very difficult but after receiving some great idea's last night, I feel empowered.

Let me be clear to all of you my dear friends. You may not agree with raw food living and that is fine but for me right now you either have to be on board or get off. I have prayed about this and feel that it is the right life change for me and my family and having a bunch of naysayer's around will not help. I will continue with surgery in a couple of weeks and am making this change for my life permanently since apparently how I was eating wasn't working. I BELIEVE FOOD CAN HEAL and nobody will change my mind about that. It has been ingrained in my life since the time I was a little girl. I will let you know how detox goes and what challenges I face during that time.

I truly believe that if anyone can make this kind of change, I can.

Been a while

So it's been awhile. We are good and we are busy! I'm a better mom and I feel good about being what I consider a good mom. I've worked hard over the last year to change the things I don't like and I've truly become a better mom.

I also realized that my period makes me a bad person so I will never go off birth control ever again. Here's to modern day medicine!

Potty Training Part 2

Following Amber Keller's recipe for success Sarah is almost fully potty trained. She hasn't had an accident for almost 3 days, except when Dad was watching and put her in a diaper, and seems to tell me when she needs to go.

All the credit goes to Amber for her amazing advice and know how! It is time consuming but it is well worth it. I still feel apprehensive so I keep her in a diaper when we are out but we went all through Costco the other day with no accidents and she told us when she needed to go! I am pretty sure she holds it as well because today she wouldn't go in the Dr.'s office but when we walked out and went to the Bathroom down the hall, not 30 seconds later, she went potty!

I will wait until I am not apprehensive anymore before declaring her fully trained!

Potty Training

It's becoming fairly intrusive that my baby watches me go to the bathroom and either moves my legs out or tries to push my bottom out of the way so she can see EXACTLY what I am doing. The upside... a HUGE celebration after she figures out exactly what I did. ;)

Dyslexia

Taylor has dyslexia. We are beginning a tutoring process for her and are extremely grateful that this mama listened to her intuition and when all other's said, "it's" normal she listened to that still small voice.

It is crazy to think that my little one will struggle with this but honestly it is very comforting to finally know what's been going on with her. I don't really want to delve into the how I caught it and the process I have gone through to figure this all out but I do have a point to make.

My point? I want mother's to know that they indeed have a spiritual gift of discernment when it comes to their little ones. I feel extremely lucky to not have listened to all those who have said, "she will out grow it", "we all suffer from dyslexia in some way at some point"," just wait", "first do this then we will do this".

When you know something is off with your little one, don't stop until the spirit confirms that you have done all you need to do. As of today I finally have a peace in my heart that has confirmed what my answer is through ALL the research I have done. (I haven't studied anything like this since I was in college) The next step I will take with Taylor will be the right one for now, it may not fix it all together but it is a good jumping off point and I know that this program will give me the skills to help her be so successful! Each person I have spoken to has said, "It is always the mother, they always know something isn't right. You are really great for catching this so soon."

Listen to your hearts, you know!

p.s.

It really isn't any surprise she has it, after all she is super intelligent like all the other dyslexics out there. Just to name a few: Ansel Adams, Leonardo Da Vinci, Winston Churchill, Woodrow Wilson, Einstein ect. The list goes on and on, that's all I can name for now, well there are a bunch of movie stars but who really cares about those ones. :)