I'm going to try to be better mom.

New post

Why haven't I posted in so long? Because life has sucked for us for 2010. I could go on and on about all the little blessings we have had amongst our trial but the reality is, I have noticed them, I do notice them and now I am done. I have had faith, patience, I've been long suffering, served righteously in all my callings, payed a full tithe and well it just hasn't paid off. 11 months unemployed and well no Christmas at our house. So that's where I have been. Busy being cheerful, busy being optimistic and it hasn't paid off. What more do I have to learn, nothing. Now I just sit and wait and hope.

Happy Holiday's!!! ( still haven't lost my fantastic sense of humor)

Things I want to hold onto

Sarah's pat's when she cuddles up to us. The special opened mouth kiss that every baby gives. The sounds of my girls giggling as Sarah makes them laugh. Sarah's feet kicking wildly as her sisters run by. the word Mama, The way Sarah points at something or us and doesn't say anything but spits a little, the phrase, "mom I want to spend time with you." Reading at bedtime, Singing in the car at the top of my lungs with three little lady's who think I am the funniest, bestest, most fun mom ever, at least at the moment, a nice clean NAKED baby who wriggles ups so close as you take her out of the bath, Patty cake, mouse trap, connect four, peek a boo, the smell of baby lotion, the big fits of laughter only little girls can seem to muster as they play together, waking up to a baby touching my face, swimming with three little girls who obviously should live in water, matching Sunday outfits, tender little hugs from three tender little girls.

"These are the times to remember, these are the days to hold onto."

Are we done yet?

So our neighborhood has a community garage sale once a year. Per our HOA we can only do a garage sell at that time of the year. I was all prepared to sell all things baby but I admit I haven't prepared much. There really isn't any need. Baby clothes are already separated by size in bins so I waited until tonight to just do a quick run through and set things up. I was fully prepared to sell all my baby clothes for close to nothing to rid myself of them but tonight as I popped open some lids it became all to apparent that this little mama may not be ready to do so.

I guess the biggest thing for me is that all of my 0-12 months clothes were basically purchased by or with my mom and I can see all three of my baby's in them so vividly. There are some outfits that all three girls have worn and they are in mint condition. As I peered into the storage bins and began looking at the clothes I would have no trouble selling I realized I just couldn't yet. What is weird is that I feel very comfortable selling the bouncer, swing, car-seats, and excer-saucer. What do you think it is? Do you think I am just to emotionally tied to these little bits of memory's still?

I guess the good thing is that there aren't a lot of them. There are only 4 large storage bins of these clothes so for now I don't see a huge problem holding onto them until it isn't so painful to say goodbye to those memory's with my mom. Or maybe there might be another little angel needing to come to this family? Who knows, all I know is that for now it is just to painful to say goodbye to those little memory's.

Where did the Holy Ghost go?

I really knocked the ball out of the park tonight for FHE. We did Lehi's dream and the girls helped create parts of the dream. Paige drew the big and spacious building, Taylor drew the water and I drew the tree of life. My tree of life had skittles on it for the delicious fruit When the girls got to the tree of life they got to partake of the fruit.

That's not what my post is about. My post is about the testimony's we bore at the end of FHE. Mine good, Paige's much better then mom breaking the Sabbath, and Taylor's, well I'd like to share verbatim.

Taylor's testimony: "I know Jesus is true and that Heavenly Father made our bodies with skin and bones. I know the Holy Ghost helps us and he went to jail and he didn't like it." At that point I had to intervene.

Taylor

So I have two things to share and still need to blog about Paige's birthday. I will get to that.

First, Taylor began riding her bike without training wheels on Saturday. Took them off and there she went. She mastered it her first time! We are happy for her new found freedom!

Second, I sang at a baptism yesterday. Well when it was over I left and had only brought Paige and Taylor. While driving home I decided to fish for a compliment from my girls. WRONG choice. Lol I asked the girls if I sounded good. They both said yes. Then I said, "did I sound good or just okay?" At which point my very musically inclined Taylor, mind you she loves to sit and watch orchestra's on tv., says "just okay". LOL LOL Then Paige quickly realizes what Taylor may have just done and says, "no mom it was really good." Taylor dead serious looks at Paige and says, "no it wasn't Paige it was okay." NOW this didn't bruise my ego much because I thought that Taylor surely doesn't know the difference between good and okay.

So at dinner I made homemade mac and cheese. It was really amazing. Both girls without solicitation said, "Mom this is sooooo good." I decided to seize my chance and promptly said to Taylor, "Taylor is it good or okay?" She then says emphatically, "REALLY GOOD". So in fact she does know the difference...

LOL LOL

Funny Story

I have a lot of posts I need to catch up on namely Paige's birthday but that takes awhile so I will share a cute conversation I had with Paige yesterday. I turned on a 3o minute Magic School Buss Cartoon for the girls yesterday while I was getting ready for a couple of friends to come over for a BBQ. Towards the end of the show, we find out that the Salmon swims up stream to lay it's eggs and then the male salmon fertilizes the eggs to make them turn into fish. As it came to a conclusion Paige says to me, "Did Dad fertilize us?"

How would you answer that? Between the fits of nervous laughter that I had I simply said yes. She didn't ask how so this morning her daddy decided to ask her how she thought it happened. Her answer, through the belly button with a magic pen. Jeremy's response, "That is exactly correct." I just about died.

advice needed

Has anyone ever had a clepto for a child? How long did it last and did you do anything inparticular that made it stop? Or were you that child? My sweet little Taylor is and we have tried so many things. We always make her give it back but she keeps doing it.

Testimony

Today it was our ward's testimony. Paige asked if she could bear her testimony. I said yes of course. Well if you weren't in our Ward today I would like to share with you.

"I'd like to bear my testimony. My mom goes to the store every Sunday. Today she didn't and I feel really happy about it. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen."

'nough said.

Outbursts

So yesterday on the way home from church, Taylor announced that Jesus didn't follow Satan. She then say's, "I'm going to stop following Satan too mama."

Then today in her parent/child book club we were picking out words that start with the letter m. It took Taylor awhile to think of one and then she bursts out, "My mom has a tiny tiny mustache. M mustache."

=) Gee I guess I don't take as good of care of it as I thought I did.

Taylor is 5!

Today we celebrated Taylor's birthday. I will always remember with such clarity the first time I held Taylor when she came out. Her eyes wide open and smiling. She loves it when I tell this story of how when she came out I looked in her eyes and she had a special sparkle. She really did and that pretty much describes Taylor. She is one of the most charismatic and generous people you will ever meet.

At this time in her life she is enjoying learning to read, coloring, riding her scooter and bike, going to school, singing, doing puzzles, writing letters, scribbling in a note book, and playing with Sarah.

I cannot believe it has already been 5 years. I wish I would have slowed down a bit to really enjoy her and written down all the funny things she has said. One of my favorites was when we were all cuddling in the bed one morning, she felt her daddy's chest and called his nipples, boodada's. Oh the fits of laughter this girl has brought into our lives and into many. She is one of the funniest kids you will ever meet. She is my lover girl and I am so thankful that she was sent to us. Our family just wouldn't be complete without her!

Easter

I didn't take any pictures this year of Easter only video. We didn't dress up in our pretty dresses either as this year Easter fell on our church's general conference so church was at home. I will take pictures of my matching girls next Sunday though. Our family easter egg hunt was in a room at the church since it was too cold and wet outside. It is funny to watch my brother's hide eggs. My brother Kelly hides a couple, shakes the bag vigorously to create eggs that are no longer hide-able, and then dumps the rest of the eggs in the middle of the floor. Basically Todd does the same thing but he just taxes his kids easter baskets instead of creating eggs which are now broken. Paige really showed her wit this year when, after the hunt, her Uncle Kelly sweetly called her over. As she neared him something went off in her brain and she said just a minute. She then walked clear around him, put her Easter basket on a table far away from him and then walked over to him. Oh what laughter filled the room! She knew exactly what was going to happen if she took that easter basket near him. If we move to Arizona how I will miss my family. Our humor really is one of a kind and I so love it.

(I don't want to do two posts so I will just make one really long one.)

So many of you know that I was a lonely widow for a month and my J has now been back for 5 days. Well tonight my brother called me to ask me a favor and then asked if we had had Easter dinner yet. I said, no, this was at 5:30, and he asked if we were going to and I said, "I don't know." He was a bit perplexed and then proceeded to ask why. At this point I was trying very hard to focus on my conversation with him but was very distracted and said, "Well we have been playing jacks with the girls and right now we are all trying to get the jacks spinning at the same time." At this point he began to laugh and said, "Is it nice having J at home?" I of course said yes and then he laughed and said, "well get down with yourselves then talk to you later." I am not sure if there was an invitation in this conversation or what but what I am sure of was that my brother noticed a considerable change in my demeanor now that Jeremy is back. I think that it was probably the fact that I am way more relaxed now that I have extra help again.

Neither the man without the woman nor the woman without the man. (That is pretty impressive coming from my mouth since I am a very independent woman. I mean I get the man without the woman part... :)

Family is forever

All are safely gathered in. It's so nice to be reunited as a family again. A month is too long!

The boy is back in town....

Well almost. Jeremy will be back on Wednesday and we CAN'T wait. This has been the longest month of my life! I'm lucky I live near great friends and my wonderful family. I think my girls are excited for mom to get a break as well!

Food Revolution

So I was watching the new show on ABC with one of my favorite chefs, Jamie Oliver. The premise of the show is to change the way America eats, less processed food and more fresh food. It reminded me of a devotional at Ricks given by Elder Perry which I thought was completely wacko. Basically Elder Perry encouraged us to cook like our mothers did, to stop using pre-made food and make things from scratch. I thought at the time, "weird devotional this has absolutely nothing to do with me spiritually." Well in fact I was wrong and he was very inspired, OF COURSE, and again a general authority ahead of the times.

It is no secret that processed food is killing america. I will say for myself that I feed my family pretty well when I prepare food. My kids don't get a lot of crackers for snacks, and I cook very few food items from a box and so on and so on. For example my kids have fruit or veggies with either yogurt or cheese for a snack, my breakfasts are always complete even if it is cold cereal because the cereal is rarely a sugar cereal, not even honey nut cheerios, and we eat a very complete dinner; main course, salad with a lot of veggies, a fruit, and a cooked vegetable.

I sound like a dream home maker right? WRONG.... there is still one major issue I hate to cook! (The problem is I don't cook more then 4-5 times a week for dinner because... I hate too)

I have been inspired by the t.v. show to cook with my children. So the food revolution in our home is to cook with our kids by: Having them help me with the menu, going grocery shopping together, and finally they will begin to prepare most of the food with my help of course. I know it doesn't seem like that big of a deal but I think it is huge.

So we kick off the Riley family Food Revolution today with the menu and shopping and the picnic we will have tonight! Think I can do it???? We don't have any other choice if I want my kids to grow up eating healthy like I did because right now they are learning my lazy habits as opposed to the good ones.

Much better today..

So yesterday was a little bit of a rough day for me emotionally. Could you tell? lol Today is better and there are two reasons.

Last night as I was all tucked into watch my Bravo shows and feeling grumpy, two sisters from my ward showed up with a good old fashioned comfort bag full of goodies! It was so nice that they also entitled the card, "Mrs. Joan Crawford", as I had previously asked. This little outpouring was all that I needed as I now at this point had someone to have a fun conversation with instead of child talk. That little gesture seemed to make all the difference.

The second reason is because Jeremy's dad reached out to him yesterday. I am not sure how many people know that the reason I have been alone for the last week and a half is because my father in law fell from about ten feet up in the air landing head first onto concrete. With all the medical drama that ensues after a brain injury we continue to hold out hope for the little things and yesterday Jeremy had a special moment and today it has brightened my day as I think about it.

tony has been unresponsive since surgery on Monday. Yet yesterday when Jeremy walked into the room, Tony lifted his arm and reached for J and then was totally unresponsive again. He hasn't done that for anyone else so I feel that this was very special. I have a couple of theories as to why. I think that one major reason is that J is Tony's first born and the bond between parent and child is quite stronger then any other earthly bond. We have to work at loving our spouse, our children we love completely and wholly without restraint. As I have thought about this it has brought so much joy to my heart. Maybe it doesn't seem like much to most but for me it is the glimmer of hope I have been looking for and that is an answer to my prayers.

I always feel much better when I recognize the hand of my Father in heaven.

Negative Nelly

I am sick of happy everything lately. Especially those people chronicling their exercise progress and weight loss. It's annoying and I don't care!!!!! Seriously good for you, I celebrate your drive and all the success you are having but stop telling me about it because well, I can't find the time right now to do it myself so I am frankly jealous. Besides that I don't just need to exercise, I need to quit drinking soda if I ever want to be a size 2 again. Why all the negativity you ask? I will tell you

Here are the reasons:

I have a sick house that doesn't seem to want to get better this winter and I am blaming myself.

My bathrooms aren't as clean as I would like.

I am unable to go anywhere due to the sickness being freaking pneumonia.

Basically when I look in the mirror I see Joan Crawford 90% of the time.

I have been alone for a week and looking to be alone for another week at the least.

And to top it all off, (Anyone know what could make this alcoholic more grumpy???) YUP I decided to go cold turkey on the soda and it started today. I can't stop thinking about just hopping in my car to go get one, just one. I am obsessing in my mind. Some of you may not understand this and that is okay because I am admitting that I am an addict. At this point I would justify selling one of my children for a soda yes just one perfect little soda that is fizzy and burns as it goes down my throat. I don't even need to drink it in the shower to have my fix....

So basically... I can't wait to watch my bravo shows tonight because well I am a Bravo whore and I love all their reality shows..... It will just be soda-less so I am not sure how much I will be able to really enjoy it.

TMI

At dinner tonight, Paige began saying, "oh crust I love crust, i need some more crust because it has wheat in it." Jeremy and I looked at each other quite perplexed and then I figure out what she means. BUT... not in time to stop Taylor from piping in and telling Paige as seriously and kindly as she could, "I have some crust for you. It's in my butt, oh wait no it's in my panties." At which point I just about spit out my food and Jeremy turned bright red with water and food dripping out of his mouth.

Oh never a dull moment in the Riley house hold.

The Flu

I cannot truly remember the last time I had the flu. Well it hit me yesterday morning like a ton of bricks. The point in me sharing this is that death looked so appealing as I threw up in the toilet for the sixth time and it was so violent that it splashed back up in my face.

You're welcome for the little visual. I figure what are friends for? We are supposed to bear one another's burdens together right? Well there you go think of that for a day and when you need to throw up and all you have left is the bile in your stomach. Think of sweet, dear, nicole's bile splashing her in the face.

Have a great day while I bask in my flu ridden house.

Paige

I know that most people will understand what I mean when I say that there is something so very special about the first child. Well Paige is no exception.

Tonight I was reminded of Paige's sweet character when she came into me while I was giving Sarah a bath. She was breathing quite heavily and I asked her what was wrong. She began to tell me, "Well I was trying to help Taylor." I was very curious as Taylor was supposed to be asleep in bed but had fallen asleep in the middle of the floor instead. So I asked Paige what she was trying to do to help her. Her response, "Well I was trying to scoot her over to her bed and put her in it." Now you must realize how very little Paige is. Taylor weighs the same as Paige and is just about as tall as her. As I came out of the bathroom and went near the girls room there was Taylor, previously uncovered in the middle of the doorway asleep on the floor. Now she had a pillow under her head and a stuffed animal under her arm and her blankets gently placed on her.

Oh my sweet intuitive, valiant Paige. If you truly know you her you love her. One day her sisters will understand as my Aunts do of my mom and I do of my brother Todd, the importance of the oldest sibling. They will one day refer to her as the kindest person they know because, well she is.

Mom

I miss her!

Confessions

I have a confession to make. I have the easiest baby in the entire world. This baby used to cry so quiet that the only way we knew she was crying was by looking at her face. Since then she has developed her mad, I want my mama to pick me up cry but when she is really upset, it is still the silent wide open mouth. You can ask my girlfriends who often hold her for just a second while I either run to the bathroom or do a quick something. One of my favorite things she does is smile at people so sheepishly and then turn into my chest. I have always wanted a baby like that.

One really great thing is if I get Sarah just tired enough and her belly is full and her diaper changed, I can lay her down swaddled in her crib and she will hardly make a peep. Sometimes she still wants me to hold her so she will squawk for a moment but within a few minutes she is sound asleep. She has done this since she came out. It doesn't help her sleep through the night yet but it is really nice to not have to rock her and I figure if we keep this up, she will sleep through the night soon enough without the long nights of crying it out!

She really is a dream baby the only down side, she doesn't like anyone but her mama to hold her. Daddy will suffice but that is only for a little bit!

Ah another mama's girl!

More pics

Fun Pics!

Just have some new fun photos I want to share. The baby is dirty but I couldn't resist snapping some pics with her right as I was feeding her. I was having a hard time feeding her because she kept putting her toes in her mouth! So sad we didn't take any pictures of Christmas only video! We had a wonderful Christmas though! More to come!

Moving

You know the worst part of moving? It's realizing that the world keeps moving even when you've left. While you are struggling to meet new people and find the same comforts of old, everyone you left behind keeps on moving. It's just like death, people are sad for awhile and then life keeps moving and so do we....

It's nothing to be sad about really.... it's just the way it is.

Paige

So I need to brag for just a moment. We went to the library today after school. After talking with Paige's teacher this morning and informing her that Paige had read 2 chapter books in three days over the break, she asked me if it was a Junie B. Jones book. I told her no and she said she was wondering if she needed to do a DRA, developmental reading assessment on her. Then she said she would do one anyway since she will be leaving at the end of the month. So I was curious and decided to take Paige to the library to check out a Junie B. Jones book. I showed Paige and suggested she check it out. She refused and then I told her to read the first three pages and if at the end of those she didn't like it then she cold put it back. By the end of the three paiges she was in fits of laughter and did indeed decide to check out the book. So the point of this story... Paige read the entire book in about three hours today. The book is 68 pages long with 9 chapters. i am anxious to see where she is at after her assessment. May not seem like a lot to us adults but for a 1st grader, I say pretty impressive!

I'm pretty proud of that little girl! Can ya tell???